Ruthie (electrablue) wrote in smile_interuptd,
Ruthie
electrablue
smile_interuptd

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Hi there.

I've been a pretty crummy maintainer of this community. I started it as a place to open up to other people about Bell's palsy, but I'm not so good at opening up, and sometimes reading other peoples' stories makes me sadder about my own troubles. I guess I'm not so good at this, but I am glad that in my absence there have been new members and some really excellent conversation and help. I'm glad that people have come here and get answers, or at least a little comfort.

So I'm going to be a hypocrite and talk now and hope someone listens. My neurological troubles have increased tenfold in the past year - I got diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. I've been occasionally checking out MS communities, which generally produce the same result. Last year I had to move back in with my mother, who I have a tenuous relationship with. She keeps insisting that my cases of Bell's palsy (the first in 1999, the second in 2003) are absolutely related to my very recent diagnosis of Multiple Sclerosis, and for some reason that really ticks me off. She was very lax in my treatment of the first case, which left me with permanent paralysis. The fact that she's caring so much now about it now while I've got a totally new, completely different and all-encompassing thing going on inside me makes me really... I dunno, it makes me mad. Part of me wants to tell her, "You didn't care then, so why are you pretending to care now? You buried it ten minutes after it happened. I just buried it a couple of years ago. Stop trying to make it yours and let me have my peace."

A lot of people say your family's just looking out for you and they always love you and blah blah, but like I said, our relationship is very tenuous, and the slack people tell me to cut for her is never cut for me when the situation is reversed. So, you know, I'm just bitching here. Please don't tell me how much my mom loves me and wants me to get better. If you lived in this house, you'd know that's not really any part of what's going on. The way she treated me in my story is pretty much the same way she is right now. Sigh.

I'm not making too terribly much sense here, but I just needed to get that out. I hope everyone here is well and I'm glad the community's still alive. You guys take care and thanks a lot.

-Ruth
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